Paranormal Activity Review

2009-11-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

"SHHHHERRRRIOUSLY you guys, this isn't as scary as people keep saying." is all I seem to be hearing about this movie. To me, it had some extremely jumpy parts (in particular, the ending) but overall, it was nothing scream worthy. To tell the truth, I've seen many a horror film in my 14 years and well, this was one of the better ones.

Most of the modern horror movies nowadays are remakes and add-ons of old greats (Friday The 13th anyone?) which always turn out the same; god awful. They all end up as slasher flicks that become painfully easy to predict so when something different comes along, we might as well lap it up. Paranormal Activity, for anyone that doesn't know (if you don't, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?) is basically about a 'young' couple who somehow own a very big house and are being haunted by some sort of Paranormal Activity. This then leads them to go out and buy a very large camera and document all the so called happenings on tape as evidence. Cue annoying boyfriend and constant black and white shots of their bedroom.

The film itself is well made, and with an incredibly lean budget ($15,000) they make the best of it. The actors use their own names, there is limit special effects (the odd split screen) and the house where its all filmed just so happens to be the Director/Writer/Producer's humble abode. Also, the added message at the beginning (Paramount Classics thanks the families of Micah *whatever* and Katie Featherton for allowing us to use the following footage) and the lack of any sort of credits leads to the 'Blair Witch' feel, leaving gullable idiots in the audience (and believe me, there were plenty!) thinking this was real. The handheld approach is wearing thin, although this time, it worked well, almost too well.

It begins with a bit of clever character development giving the audience an instant insight into the life of the couple, with Micah annoying his sweetheart of 3 years by constantly shoving the camera in her face. This is then followed by more character development, a few short thuds and nightvision shots, then *you guessed it* more character development. By the 60 minute mark, it almost feels like you've been watching a soap opera with a few added thuds and creeks. But after about an hour, the horror escalates into a more 'jumpy' state and the thuds become louder, the creeks become creepier and the bed sheets start moving all over the place. This all fizzes down to the final 2 or 3 minutes with an incredibly shocking ending that is impossible to predict. The *what feels like* hours of character development pays off as it allows the final, massive shock to send the audience 10 feet in the air and covering their face with the palm of their hand. You generally don't expect it, but to be honest it is the high point of the whole charade.

Statistically, this movie has made the largest profit ever, starting with a budget of $15,000 and making a whopping £101 million at the box office, which is still going. Complete with DVD sales, Director/Writer/Producer Oren Peli will be sitting on a small fortune by this time next year. But what is most clever about this movie is the fact that it started as nothing. It was screened to a test audience in the US of A sometime earlier this year at Screamfest and since then, word of mouth set this films plans in motion. From there, the fanbase grew and grew and the American public demanded it to be shown in cinemas. It was then released across the US of A on the 16th October and here in the UK on the 25th November with further worldwide dates being added constantly. The word spread that this movie was 'amongst the scariest of all time' (which it isn't) and horror fans of all ages flocked to their local picture house to watch what could only disappoint them.

Because that's what it does. It disappoints you. Although you don't want to, you believe the hype, then when you leave the cinema 86 minutes later, it becomes quickly apparent that the movie is not scary at all. To me, it all depends upon the way you look at it. If you are ready to be scared, you won't be, if you think it's bullshit, you won't be scared at all. To get the full experience from this movie, you need to be in a dark room, and expect/know nothing.

This leads me to conclude that although this may be only 86 minutes long, it remains one of the slowest films I've ever sat through (and I've seen Che!)It is also grossly misunderstood by many cinemagoers and does take a special sort of person to understand it's true beauty. As a movie, it can't compete, as an independent movie, it ticks all the boxes.

8/10 - Saved by the marvellous ending.

So that's the first of my extremely detailed depictions of the movies I watch. I won't be reviewing every film I see, just the decent ones. 'Til then, thanks.

WTF? Monopoly The Movie.

2009-11-30T09:01:00.001-08:00

Alright, just to kick off this little 'blog' as it is so called, a WTF moment. The title is true folks, try not to be alarmed too much. A Monopoly movie is being 'strongly' considered. I know they say don't take the Lord's name in vein but... JESUS H CHRIST ON A WALRUS, WHAT THE FUDGE?

Well, to start with, nothing has been confirmed as of yet, but the man in question, one Frank Beddor, producer and "writer" of such films as 'There's Something About Mary', has published his idea (all-be-it an awful one) in the L.A Times. Now, please tell me if this makes any sense, here's the direct quote:

"I created a comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they're playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding aChance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.'"

But wait, there's more:

"He’s all groggy and he goes down to buy some coffee and he reaches into his pocket and all he has is Monopoly money. All this Monopoly money pours out. He’s confused and embarrassed and the girl reaches across the counter and says, ‘That’s OK.’ And she gives him change in Monopoly money. He walks outside and he’s in this very vibrant place, Monopoly City, and he’s just come out of a Chance Shop. As it goes on, he takes on the evilParker Brothers in the game of Monolopy. He has to defeat them. It tries to incorporate all the iconic imageries -- a sports car pulls up, there's someone on a horse, someone pushing a wheelbarrow -- and rich Uncle Pennybags, you're going to see him as the maître d' at the restaurant and he's the buggy driver and the local eccentric and the doorman at the opera. There's all these sight gags."

The most disturbing part of this tale is yet to come. Attached to direct is 3 times Oscar Nominee and all round great bloke.... wait for it... guessed yet? RIDLEY MOFOING SCOTT! Why the hell would someone of his talent agree to direct such a monstrosity? Well, here's my theory on why;

It seems that on Mr Beddor's IMDB profile, there is a film 'in production' called 'The Looking Glass Wars'. This is blatently a reference/remake of Alice in Wonderland. But Tim Burton got their first with his hilarity and cooky imagery, so Beddor thought 'Fuck it, I'm screwed now.' and so, worked up a new idea around the popular board game. So where does Ridley come into this twisted game? Well, he signed on when it was still an Alice in Wonderland idea and for some reason is still on the bill. I HOPE he changes his mind quickly after he sees the L.A. Times, but like all Die Hard Scott fans, I'm worried he won't.

To all those still reading, I have fourthcoming news... it seems the so far 'Untitled' new Alien project has begun production. Good ol' Ridley is finishing off production on the 2010 bound 'Robin Hood' with Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchette first, but then is moving straight on. So what do I say? BRING ON THE PREQUEL!

Anyway, thanks for reading this rather bone shatteringly boring blog, I promise it'll be more interesting later.

MovieLatest

Paranormal Activity Review

WTF? Monopoly The Movie.